Today has flown by, it was a day of going back to a solid routine with time limits to stick by. I'm not very good with those. This is mainly due to the fact that I need sleep, but also proper wake up time, to allow meds or on most days my brain to kick in so I can get by that day.

I finally also got to see my doctor today. I finally have something for my feet which should help the healing process. I also have enough painkillers to see me through for a short time. At least till all my money situation is sorted.

I've always tried to be independent but admittedly it's difficult when I'm desperately needing support or help. Filling in forms has begun to be a major problem for me, I get confused, unsure and I've even found myself paranoid since my ATOS assessment. I'm worried someone is following me. Watching me. Waiting to see if I start doing handstands at my front door. I can tell you now I won't. I haven't ever been able to truly pull off a handstand, and I stand little to no chance of doing it now.

 I still can't help but feel my space has been invaded. There is nothing more humiliating than asking if your prescriptions will still be free either. I feel like I'm scrounging. It's soul destroying. But I need my medications, and seeing as I have very little in the way of money, I had to at least ask. I can get them refunded, whether I do or not is yet to be seen. Not to save face, but because it's embarrassing. I shouldn't have to ask at all. But thanks to DWP, I have had to, and as such I am now worse off all round.

Tomorrow is another day though. I have sent off my appeal letter and a medical certificate from my gp. He is now refusing to give me anymore medication until I've been assessed by a mental health team because he feels it's going round in circles and not helping me at all. Which is a positive thing because it's what I've been telling them for months. So tomorrow I am going to attempt to clean my house, watch a movie and just dip into my "Kerri Cheer up care plan". It mostly involves films and cleaning and music. One day I shall share it with you. On a day when I have more spoons. :)

I haven't written a blog in a number of years. Mainly because whenever I wrote a blog, I wrote because of my mental illness. There used to be a lot of posts here. They were all from a girl I barely recognise, but she is back for a visit. Out of probable embarrassment I have deleted said blogs. However the haunting realisation I still have issues remains.

I'm now 26 years old and a lone parent to a 6 year old. I was officially disagnosed with fibromyalgia last year after many hospital trips with pain, I previously suffered with sciatica, and thus far, still do. I have found my mental and physical health have suffered and after signing onto esa and going through the relevant medical assessments I've been deemed fit to work.

There's a reason why this is a ridiculous ruling, and that is that I suffer from anxiety due to my condition. I have got to the point where I don't leave my house unless it is necessary. I have found myself fixated with falling ill and I hate social situations because people generally don't understand my illness. Some days I limp from pain, others I sob.

This brings me to today, and I apologise if this blog doesn't make a lot of sense but I write it in a state of distress. I need to see a doctor. I need to get a medical certificate and send it back to the dwp. However I didn't sleep well last night and as a result I am bringing this to you from my bed. I've no idea what to do or where to turn. I feel a drain on those who love me and it pains me to say it but I wish I could disappear. It hurts to feel that way because I know I have people who love me. I need medication, I need one of my feet looking at, I need help. I am still waiting. Please someone help me.